COME ON IN AND EXPERIENCE SOME OF MY BULLSHIT

Reggie: Yeah, well, I'm real impressed with you too, man. It takes a real-skilled cop to kick in the bedroom door of a couple of dykes!

Reggie: Now that's bullshit, that's the last straw, all right? I want some food now. If you don't like it, you can take me to the penitentiary and kiss my hungry black ass goodbye all right? You took me out here, you've been treating me like shit when we first left and I want some food in a nice place, nice atmosphere with some good people and...
Jack: [interrupts] Okay, hold it. I'm hungry, let's go get something to eat. I know a place. All right?
Reggie: All right let's go.
Jack: All right.
Reggie: I want some mandolins and some violins.

Jack: Who GIVES a goddamn what YOU like? You're just a crook on a weekend pass! You're not even a goddamn NAME anymore! You're just a spearchucker with a number stenciled on the back of his prison fatigues! And I'm through fuckin' around. You tell me the truth or you're gonna get the living shit beat outta you.
Reggie: Oh, you're gonna kick MY ass now? I think you lost your mind, Cates. Just put your gun back in your holster and get in the car and let's go. I'm serious. I'm not in the mood and I'm just gonna end up fuckin' you up out here and it's gonna be an embarrassment to you and the police force.



Jack: So, how was it?
Reggie: I'm not goin' in for all that macho shit, Jack. I was great. Should have my dick bronzed.

LIKE ME...I DON'T REACT WELL TO BULLETS

Admiral Josh Painter: It will get out of control and we will be lucky to live through it!

Bart Mancuso: The hard part about playing chicken is knowin' when to flinch.

Watson: Seaman Jones here is into music in a big way, and he views this whole boat as his own personal, private stereo set. Well, one day he's got this piece of Pavarotti...
Seaman Jones: It was Paganini.
Watson: Whatever.
Seaman Jones: It was Paganini.
Watson: Look, this is my story, okay?
Seaman Jones: Then tell it right, Cobb. Pavarotti is a tenor, Paganini was a composer.
Watson: So anyway, he's got this music out in the water, and he's listening to it on his headsets, and he's just happy as a clam. And then all hell breaks loose. See, there's this whole slew of boats out in the water...
Seaman Jones: Including one WAY out at Pearl!
Watson: Including one way the hell out at Pearl. All of a sudden, they start hearing, Pavarotti...
Beaumont: Pavarotti!
Watson: Coming up their asses!

SO HERE COME TWO WORDS FOR YOU. SHUT THE FUCK UP.

EDDIE: Stop fuckin' around. Where are you?
JACK: Where am I? I'm in Boise, Idaho. No, wait a minute. I'm in Anchorage, Alaska. No, wait. I'm in Casper, Wyoming. I'm in the lobby of the Howard Johnson's and I'm wearing a pink carnation.
EDDIE: What are you talkin' about?
JACK: I'm not talkin' to you. I'm talkin' to the other guys.
EDDIE: What other guys?
JACK: Let me describe the scene to you. There's these guys, see? They've probably been up for two days. They stink of B.O. They have coffee breath. They're constipated from sittin' on their asses for so long. They're in a van, probably parked right up the street from your office. But you guys are gonna have to pack up your shit and go home. Because I'm onto you, you dumb fucks. Your phone is tapped, Eddie. I'm not gonna use this line anymore. Go to Chin Loo's. I'll call you there in five minutes. They can't run a tap that fast. So long, everybody.

...

THE DUKE: Cigarettes are killers.
JACK: So are women.