The Shane Black Album

COME ON IN AND EXPERIENCE SOME OF MY BULLSHIT

2007-09-27T17:31:00.000-05:00

Reggie: Yeah, well, I'm real impressed with you too, man. It takes a real-skilled cop to kick in the bedroom door of a couple of dykes!

Reggie: Now that's bullshit, that's the last straw, all right? I want some food now. If you don't like it, you can take me to the penitentiary and kiss my hungry black ass goodbye all right? You took me out here, you've been treating me like shit when we first left and I want some food in a nice place, nice atmosphere with some good people and...
Jack: [interrupts] Okay, hold it. I'm hungry, let's go get something to eat. I know a place. All right?
Reggie: All right let's go.
Jack: All right.
Reggie: I want some mandolins and some violins.

Jack: Who GIVES a goddamn what YOU like? You're just a crook on a weekend pass! You're not even a goddamn NAME anymore! You're just a spearchucker with a number stenciled on the back of his prison fatigues! And I'm through fuckin' around. You tell me the truth or you're gonna get the living shit beat outta you.
Reggie: Oh, you're gonna kick MY ass now? I think you lost your mind, Cates. Just put your gun back in your holster and get in the car and let's go. I'm serious. I'm not in the mood and I'm just gonna end up fuckin' you up out here and it's gonna be an embarrassment to you and the police force.

Jack: So, how was it?
Reggie: I'm not goin' in for all that macho shit, Jack. I was great. Should have my dick bronzed.

LIKE ME...I DON'T REACT WELL TO BULLETS

2007-09-26T14:30:00.001-05:00

Admiral Josh Painter: It will get out of control and we will be lucky to live through it!

Bart Mancuso: The hard part about playing chicken is knowin' when to flinch.

Watson: Seaman Jones here is into music in a big way, and he views this whole boat as his own personal, private stereo set. Well, one day he's got this piece of Pavarotti...
Seaman Jones: It was Paganini.
Watson: Whatever.
Seaman Jones: It was Paganini.
Watson: Look, this is my story, okay?
Seaman Jones: Then tell it right, Cobb. Pavarotti is a tenor, Paganini was a composer.
Watson: So anyway, he's got this music out in the water, and he's listening to it on his headsets, and he's just happy as a clam. And then all hell breaks loose. See, there's this whole slew of boats out in the water...
Seaman Jones: Including one WAY out at Pearl!
Watson: Including one way the hell out at Pearl. All of a sudden, they start hearing, Pavarotti...
Beaumont: Pavarotti!
Watson: Coming up their asses!

SO HERE COME TWO WORDS FOR YOU. SHUT THE FUCK UP.

2007-09-24T16:05:00.000-05:00

EDDIE: Stop fuckin' around. Where are you?
JACK: Where am I? I'm in Boise, Idaho. No, wait a minute. I'm in Anchorage, Alaska. No, wait. I'm in Casper, Wyoming. I'm in the lobby of the Howard Johnson's and I'm wearing a pink carnation.
EDDIE: What are you talkin' about?
JACK: I'm not talkin' to you. I'm talkin' to the other guys.
EDDIE: What other guys?
JACK: Let me describe the scene to you. There's these guys, see? They've probably been up for two days. They stink of B.O. They have coffee breath. They're constipated from sittin' on their asses for so long. They're in a van, probably parked right up the street from your office. But you guys are gonna have to pack up your shit and go home. Because I'm onto you, you dumb fucks. Your phone is tapped, Eddie. I'm not gonna use this line anymore. Go to Chin Loo's. I'll call you there in five minutes. They can't run a tap that fast. So long, everybody.

...

THE DUKE: Cigarettes are killers.
JACK: So are women.

EVERYONE HAD COUNTED THEM OUT. BUT THEY'RE ABOUT TO GET BACK IN THE GAME.

2007-05-07T13:25:00.000-05:00

JOE: The sky is blue, water is wet, women have secrets. Who gives a fuck?

...

MILO: Can we get a formal introduction?
JOE: Who gives a fuck? You're the bad guy, right?
MILO: I am the bad guy.
JOE: And I'm supposed to be trembling with fear. Something like that, right?
MILO: Something like that.
JOE: Fine. I'll start trembling in a minute.

...

JIMMY: Maybe I could take your daughter horseback riding. How old is she?
JOE: She's 13, and if you even look at her funny I'm gonna shove an umbrella up your ass and open it.

...

JOE: This is the nineties. You don't just go around punching people. You have to say something cool first.

...

JOE: Nobody likes you. Everybody hates you. You're gonna lose. Smile, you fuck.

THAT' S UNDERSTANDABLE. I'VE ONLY KNOWN YOU FOR FIVE MINUTES AND I WANT YOU DEAD, TOO.

2007-05-07T12:46:00.000-05:00

SULLY: Here's twenty dollars to get some beers in Val Verde. It'll give us all a little more time with your daughter.

JOHN MATRIX: You're a funny man, Sully. I like you. That's why I'm going to kill you last.

THIS IS A REAL BADGE, I'M A REAL COP AND THIS IS A REAL FUCKING GUN

2007-05-07T10:07:00.000-05:00

Well, what do you wanna hear, man? Do you wanna hear that sometimes I think about eating a bullet? Huh? Well, I do! I even got a special bullet for the occasion with a hollow point. Make sure it blows the back of my goddamned head out and do the job right! Every single day I wake up and I think of a reason not to do it. Every single day! You know why I don't do it? This is gonna make you laugh; you know why I don't do it? The job! DOING. THE JOB. Now that's the reason!

YOU GOT TIME TO DUCK?

2007-05-06T20:34:00.000-05:00

Here we go again, bro...just you and me. Same kind of moon, same kind of jungle. Real 'number ten,' remember? Whole platoon, 32 men, chopped into meat. We walk out, just you and me, right on top, not a scratch. Not a fucking scratch. You know, whoever got you, they'll come back again. And when he does I'm gonna cut your name right into him. I'M GONNA CUT YOUR NAME RIGHT INTO HIM.